Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Satire- MMA Fighters Salaries

I am a big fan of satires, so I decided to write one of my own for kicks. Here it is:

Too many times you see it, professional athletes other wise known as Mixed Martial Arts Fighters, go out on a National Broadcast, putting their dreams, hard work, and even their lives on the line, as they fight against another superior fighter. Most of the time you see them victorious, but at other times you watch them get strangled (with a rear naked choke hold), watch them get knocked out (as they make a slight mistake and walk into the wrong punch), or you wee them get dominated by a superior wrestler (just before they get pinned don’t and get their face smashed in by vicious elbows.)
After a loss these warriors who have just suffered a common noble loss, they must walk up to Dana White, as he scolds them, threatens to burn their contract, since UFC President Dana White doesn’t want to build fighters, he just wants to sell a franchise, even though this franchise is built off of the blood and sweat of fighters who work for wages that compare to Mcdonald’s workers.
Many critics would say, “These are nothing but a bunch of meat heads beating the crap out of each other, these men don’t contribute anything to society, so they should be happy to get paid what they get.” This is coming out of the mouths of men who sit around and do nothing but push pencils and get rich off of these (so called) “Meat Heads” all day.
Since these silver spoon pencil pushing bitches don’t think that Mixed Martial Arts Fighters should be paid more, perhaps there is a way that MMA Fighters can earn more money.
Perhaps we should make the sport even more dangerous because in our times a man getting his dreams crushed isn’t nearly as exciting as a man getting his neck completely broken, ultimately ending his life. But hell, a death would be way more exciting then watching a fighter get his arm broken.
Besides if fighters fought to the death they could add $30,000 to their base salary because a dead man doesn’t need his pay.
With two men fighting to the death you wouldn’t have to pay for referees, judges, or even announcers because two men killing each other is entertaining enough, so you won’t need an announcer to make it more exciting.
Death matches might be a little extreme, but at least then they wouldn’t be able to say that
MMA Fighters don’t earn their money.
But I am a reasonable human being, if you have a problem with what I just said please say something about it, Nay, do something about it.