
So before I begin, I want to talk about Mr./Mrs. I LOVE MY FAMILY... this article doesn't pertain to you, if you love your loved ones, then by all means keep doing so, and have some Happy Holidays... However, there are a lot of us that come from some pretty messed up, irritating, irrational, selfish, envious, self indulgent families. For people like us, a day in our household is like being out on an active mine field, we don't come from a rational household... and what's worse is when the Holiday's rolls around!
Because now not only do you have to deal with overworked Divorced Mom, annoying younger siblings, but now you have to add guilt inflicting grandmother, self indulgent/moronic older siblings, a dying grandfather, your divorced "Poor Me" Dad, add in some uncles, and boom we now have your whole family. Okay, now what you have to remember is, THEY LOVE DRAMA, they are looking for anything/everything to drag you into their fucked up little lives... So I have devised a couple of survival tips!
Survival Tip #1: FIND AN ACCOMPLICE/P.I.C.
First off, you need at least one alley who feels the way you feel. You need ONE sane person to have an intelligent conversation with, you also need someone to roll with when you do the following steps below...
Survival Tip #2: GIVE A HELLO AND A GOOD BYE!
Ok... basic humanity 101... your family members deserve a hello and a goodbye... THAT'S IT! Saying hello and goodbye keeps them at bay, you aren't quite talking to them, but your not quite avoiding them... it feeds the beast just enough to stop it from eating you!
Survival Tip #3: STAY BUSY TILL DINNER TIME
Let's face it... Dinner Time, you are going to have to sit down and eat with these mannerless degenerates... HOWEVER, you have multiple options to stay away...
1. Play video games with your alley in the other room.
2. MAKE FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE STORE
3. Go For a drive... its Thanksgiving, no one is going to be out anyways!
4. Say your not feeling well and take a nap. (This could possibly get you away from the dinner as well!)
5. Just say the hell with all of them.... if only it were that simple ;(
Survival Tip #4- During the Dinner... DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT with any of them!
Stare at your plate... its your best friend... this will minimize conversation... it gives them the point, without GIVING THEM THE POINT!